Covid Ended Our Marriage: Lockdown has varying impacts on couples’ relationships

Around the world – from South America to West Africa – previously happy couples are splitting up and many are divorcing. The stress of the pandemic has been blamed by some, while others say it has highlighted old problems.

Lockdown created a “make or break” environment, the charity says, with people having “relationship realisations” – both good and bad. A further survey by the charity in July found 8% of people said the lockdown had made them realise they needed to end their relationship – but 43% said the lockdown had brought them closer.

Pandemic is affecting many of our core relationships. But lawyers, therapists and academics are starting to get a clearer understanding of the multiple factors feeding into the Covid-19 break-up boom – and why it looks set to continue into 2021.

Why the pandemic is causing spikes in break-ups and divorces?

The number of couples seeking relationship counselling has surged during the lockdown. Divorce rates are increasing around the world, and relationship experts warn the pandemic-induced break-up curve may not have peaked yet.

For other couples, the increase in mental health problems linked to the pandemic is playing a role in break-ups.

When Marie, a 43-year-old editor in Amsterdam, caught Covid-19 in March, it made her partner’s anxiety disorder “spiral out of control”. She says, “I had to handle everything while we were quarantined – for almost a month – and it was absolutely exhausting.”

I was more stressed, and it was all just building up, and we decided for maybe a trial separation,” says Turner, a support worker for children’s social services

But relationship experts believe that even strong couples who weren’t facing problems before the pandemic, and avoided major shifts in household health or dynamics may also be susceptible to break-ups. This is because the pandemic has taken away “well-established routines that offered comfort, stability and rhythm.

“We started to fight about things. Futile, unimportant things! Lockdown was very strict, we couldn’t leave the house, not even to get some air. And I think at first I didn’t accept all this rigour,” adds Richard, a project manager.

The stress of the pandemic, when combined with having a partner who needs a lot of support, impacts the relationship in a negative way

Lockdown Relationship Tips

• Our partner’s habits that normally irritate us a bit can become much more obvious.

Trying to move away from criticising or blaming your partner by using “I” statements in your communication, such as “I’m feeling”, “my feelings are”, rather than “you do this, you make me feel”.

• Many couples are reporting spending all their time together – but very little of that is quality time.

It is important to consciously make time to be together as a couple, but also make sure you spend some time apart as individuals, even in the same house.

• A difficult time to be going through a break-up.

If you are, it’s important to reach out to family and friends for support, and also to practice self-care by doing the things that make you happy and feel good about yourself.

Keep Your Sex Life Alive (And Kicking) During Lockdown

Theoretically, spending a large amount of time alone with your significant other should be great for your sex life. It’s practically the entire premise of a honeymoon and a pretty major driver behind sales of child-free holiday packages.

But a study surveying thousands of adults about the impacts of quarantine on their relationship—44% said their sex life had declined, while 30% said their romantic life had taken a dive.

The past few months have not been passion inducing, the pandemic isn’t just threatening our physical health, but also our emotional, psychological and sexual health. And whilst everyone’s circumstances are different—some living with family or children, some with roomies, some couples living apart from each other. We’re all having to navigate new ways to make it work, which is why it’s pretty common for couples to be struggling to prioritise their relationship.

However, if scheduled sessions and next-room sexting aren’t firing things up quite as much as you’d like or need, why not have some fun with it? We quizzed some creative ways to spark things up while locked down.

TRY ‘MINDFUL MASTURBATION’

It’s not about how flexible or orgasmic you are, Mindful Masturbation is not goal-driven.

The intention is to connect to pleasure free from goals or stimuli, whilst exploring your body from head to toe with no rush or agenda. You can do this on your own or with your partner. A great toy to introduce to your Mindful Masturbation practice is Trysta Targeted Rolling G-Sport Vibrator.

The constant contact, non-stop pleasure and flexibility the toy offers allows you to focus on mindfulness as it seamlessly moves with your body and movement.

INVEST IN A NEW TOY

Nothing is sexier than planning ahead, right? One week on, one week off, this activity could be anything! A sensual massage, date night, mindful touch with blindfolds, power-play… the list goes on. Go searching together and find something you both like the look, I would recommend…

• Satisfyer Partner Plus Wireless Vibrator for Couple Play.

• Lori Mini Double Vibrator Eggs for couples who like to take her under your control.

TRY SOME EROTICA

Some quarantine past times are now so ubiquitous it’s hard to imagine life before an Instagram feed full of bread-baking, home yoga practice and herb gardening. But we it’s time to come clean about all this supposed “reading” of “literature” that’s been happening during isolation.

Enjoy while staying safe at home—or safe behind a locked bedroom door as the case may be.

Top 6 Actually Good Erotic Romance Novels

• • An Extraordinary Union by Alyssa Cole
  • Playing It Cool by Amy Andrews
  • A Torn Paige by Lila Rose
  • The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang
  • Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman
  • The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

Sex drive isn’t just made in the bedroom, and it requires a well-rounded approach. So, ditch the idea of a ‘normal’ libido and figure out what is ‘normal for you. Low desire is only an issue when it’s causing distress, affecting your day-to-day life, or hurting your relationship with a partner. If any of these apply to you, it’s worth figuring out why. Creating space for things that turn you on and get the support you need, be it professional or from your sexual partner.

There are days where the case numbers are coming down, and then one day they’re all back up again. And you’ve got to maintain the hope that things will be ok.

The effects of partners’ pre-existing vulnerabilities and pandemic-related stress demonstrate the utility of key models in relationship science in identifying who is at most risk of relationship problems in the unprecedented context of a mandated quarantine. The results emphasize that the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on relationship functioning. It will be shaped by the characteristics of partners with whom people are confined during the pandemic.